Whether the road to #loveyourwholeself is curvy or straight...
Posted on 19 January 2015
by Lindsay Huber
For almost every one of us - some time pre-puberty, unfortunately - we begin to have those nagging negative thoughts about our bodies. Though we had high hopes that we would come through like diamonds from the rough, it never occurred to us (or at least, to me) that those changes weren’t purely in the physical aesthetic we sought.
Puberty was about 80 percent maturing my mind as a woman and 20 percent “will I be using tampons or pads?” I never got the curves I so desperately wished for! I walked down the halls of my high school daily as the “too-skinny girl.” “Does she eat?” “Does she have an eating disorder?” “What’s wrong with her?” The list goes on. I was too stick thin for the guys to take interest in, and to the girls with the beautiful curves, I was no threat.
Sometime around my Junior year of high school. I decided to alter my size by any means necessary. I had already been one to easily clean a full plate, but I knew throwing birth control into the mix would actually kick in the weight gain. In less than two months I had upped my birth control dose to the highest estrogen level my doctor would willingly give me and gained 20 lbs easily - along with the stretch marks to show for it. Guys seemed to suddenly take interest and girls no longer snickered at my flat chest.
Little did I know I still had a long time coming for pure body-loving bliss.
One day, specifically, I remember feeling completely fed up with push up bras. So I ditched all of mine for unpadded ones, or those without underwires. It was amazing how fast - zero to sixty - things went back to how they had been: girls saying I had “falsely advertised” and was still truly flat chested and stick skinny. (And yes, this was after high school!) You know what? At that point I no longer cared! I was finally dipping back into 'twig me’s head and pulling into the light all the excuses I had made about changing my size in seeking the affection and attention of others.
I made the decision to quit the high dose birth control, and I slowly began to shed the majority of the weight. Now, don’t get me wrong, I loved my curves! I will always admire curvy women. But for me, it didn’t matter whether or not the curves stayed. It was more about keeping my mind right about my body, maintaining a self that I didn’t derive from the approval of others.
I finally began to approve of myself for what was 100% me! I now feel as if I’ve comfortably settled somewhere in between the two battling Lindsays.
I have found the most important body image to have shouldn't depend on whether or not you would love a flatter stomach, larger breasts or what-have-you. Rather, it should be that you love what you’ve got while you’ve got it! I know there are a lot of women who will never understand my desire for curves and a higher body fat content, but then again there are also women, like me, who can’t understand why you’re wishing for less when what you have is so enviable. Thicker, skinnier, whatever you may be, embrace every inch (or lack there of)!
Lindsay has had a love of fashion for years, but it was propelled forward by her modeling career which started when she was scouted at a mall at the age of fourteen. Lindsay shares her passion for the industry with her father, and they often bounce ideas off of each other. In her spare time she loves anything creative, from making jewelry to taking photos and keeping up to date on the latest trends and fashions.